Beef Bourguignon

So tonight it was Beef Bourguignon and I must say it went very well!  I have never made it before but some veggies, a really nice thick Chuck Roast, some Cognac and a bottle of Merlot and presto!

The meat is so tender with such flavor.  I recommend to everyone to try it at least once.  My recipe is a food network special and it was easy easy easy – just some time and well worth it!!

My Personal Change

I am going to rock out this New Year – you will see changes in my Blog – I am going to start blogging more on the food and conversations that I make:   My hope is that I will get more people involved and that will want to share recipes and stories.

A big part of my life involves food and the love of enjoying it with friends and family.  Share your stories with me, take this journey with me.

This morning I woke up and made eggs and toast with hollandaise sauce – mind you this was the first time that I tried hollandaise!  It was awesome, my partner and I both ate everything up!  He had never had homemade hollandaise and really isn’t too crazy about eggs – but he ate everything and said he really like the sauce!

So try it out and let me know what you think, share your story with me – I know there are others that like food, get bored and just want to try something new.

My sauce was:

Half stick of butter
1 tspn white vinegar
1 tspn lemon juice – fresh
salt and pepper to taste
4 eggs yolks only
1 tspn sugar

Whip the egg yokes with the vinegar, salt and pepper.

Melt the butter in a bowl over a pan of hot water – due not put the butter bowl on direct heat, when you add the egg yolk it will cause them to scramble.

When the butter is melted, add the lemon and sugar.

Then add the egg yolk mixture slowly, mixing at the same time with a spoon until all egg yolks are in.

The egg should cook immediately as the heat is already hot enough to melt the butter. Only mix in until the egg yolk is the same color as the butter. The mixture is ready. Add over your cooked eggs on toast, how ever you like them – sunny side up, hard cooked or boiled and slice…..it really is good!

“We didn’t have ham or I would have added a ham slice to the side! YUM!

Let’s all try!

With a new year, we as people say, let’s change something, let’s do something better, let’s make a change in someone else’s life – very little of us actually follow through.  Think about the change you want to make and don’t look back this year, follow through, give yourself a chance to experience something different or change someone’s life – you just might find it changes yours!   ~Good Luck~

Music – my hiding place.

So the pain begins
as the music fades
and Im left here with
with more than I can take

if you lift me up
just get me through this night
i know ill rest tomorrow
and ill be strong enough to try

when the sky clears
and all is said and done
i will realize
that we all need someone

if you lift me up
just get me through this night
i know ill rest tomorrow
and Ill be strong enough to try

so when you see me crashing
and theres nowhere left to fall
will you lift me even higher
to rise above this all

if you lift me up
said if you lift me up

said if you lift me up
will it be higher

when you see me crashing
and theres nowhere left to fall
will you lift me even higher
to rise above this all

if you lift me up
said if you lift me up
if you lift me up
just get me through this night

Continuing on the Autobiography

I have almost finished the autobiography; good or bad it’s the truth and will be my legacy that I leave.  I would hope one day someone who knew nothing about me finds it half way interesting.

Excuses are over – it’s time for a change.

I don’t know what’s led me to this time in my life.  All I know is that it’s time for a change.  I have sat back to long and done the things that I have felt were “appropriate”.   It’s time for “me”, to do the things that I know can or will make a difference.  I think we all “talk” a lot about this, lord know’s I have done my fare share of talking.   It’s time for action, now what those actions will be?   I’ll keep you posted.

Finding my peace – as I hope you all do.

Some things are hard to admit.

My partner and I had planned on adopting for a long time.  We had so many hurdles and things in the way.  Then the State allowed same sex adoptions and our opportunity opened up.  We had been planning it for a quite a while now.   We were to begin what was a series of Saturday adoption classes for 11 weeks straight.

I don’t know what happened but late Friday, I could not take it anymore.   I had felt the weight or stress thinking about this adoption, it was truly something we both wanted and we would have made wonderful parents.  I am afraid my past and selfishness presented itself.  I realized I could not go through with it.  I really wanted to and I would have made it work, but I couldn’t.  The things that I have been through and seen, plus fears of repeating the past haunted and haunts me.  How could I bring a child into my world that “is wonderful” but has seen it share of downs.

I am going on 40 and feel so much older, I have stressed most of my life on just surviving, being better, not being ashamed of who I am, trying to leave my crazy mother behind me, trying to forget my Dad gave up on me and himself.  This isn’t “poor, poor me” this is reality.  As much as I want to say, things haven’t been that bad, and things are great now. “Which they are so good now”.  My mind hurts, I feel much older there than what my body is.

A child being adopted deserves more, they have already seen the nightmares I have, even more so.  I don’t have it in me to be strong for someone else anymore.  I have done that too much, I have myself and life in a place where I am happy and the things I have wanted I have achieved.  I have a wonderful partner and beautiful home, my biggest fear was letting him down, instead he just said to me “I just want you to be happy” without even thinking of himself.  I then realized, he makes me happy, my life is happy.

I pray for every adoptive child out there, I wish them the best and a happy loving home.  I’m sorry I couldn’t do it, but I have to be honest with them and myself and say – I am just not able to do this.

Thank you Shannon for loving me and when I feel very alone in this world, I have the security of knowing you are there.

I can say enough about the meaning of this song – Carrie says it best.

Autobiography

Currently working on my Autobiography – I am 48 pages in and only been working on it 2 day!  Real life is easier than an actual story…..WOW…do the memories flood back in.

Fall is knocking on the door

Fall – so many things it means to me.  Fall is the end of Summer which is my least favorite Season.  Summer brings memories that I don’t care for, Fall meant change, the smell of the leaves and the air, coolness that makes you pay attention just a little more.

Fall is colors, smells and warm blankets to snuggle in.

Fall is Pumpkins and Corn Mazes (look them up, they are fun).

Fall is the sound of leaves blowing around and kids jumping in the middle of them.

I LOVE FALL!!(09) Fall Leaves